My Approach

Adlerian theory pays close attention to movement, both physical and metaphorical. Where are you headed? What are your conscious and nonconscious goals? We are always moving toward something. We often move toward a fictional ideal self or a version of ourselves we cannot actually become, but that motivates us to keep going. The way forward on this path toward a self-ideal is through courage, creativity, and community.

The lemon and the scurvy.

Imagine you're trying to prevent scurvy… I know, at this point, you are probably wondering what this has to do with therapy, psychology, or mental health, but bear with me through this story.

As you work to prevent scurvy, you have gotten used to going to the corner store and buying lemons. You eat them whole, no sugar, no water. They are bitter, and the experience is overwhelming and unpleasant. But! It does work to stop scurvy. Mission accomplished.

That's how most people arrive in therapy. They've found a solution that works for them: “preventing emotional scurvy.” It is better than doing nothing, better than feeling the full weight of the distress, discomfort, isolation, and/or discouragement. However, it costs them every day.

This isn't actually about scurvy. It's about perfectionism, or panic, or the way you have learned to make yourself small. The principle is the same.

My job isn't to take the lemon away. It's to help you find a use for it that you actually enjoy, like in a fish dish, in lemonade, or as a garnish.

Or if you hate lemons, to encourage you to consider taking the longer walk to a different grocery store entirely, in which there are more options to meet your needs such as oranges, strawberries, guava, or really anything else that is a more pleasant and sustainable source of “emotional vitamin C.”

The purpose of your behavior tells us everything. You have been incredibly creative and have found solutions that have brought you here. Together, we can find ways to avoid shaming these solutions and look for ones that are a better fit for you and your goals.

We need each other, and others need us.

We are social beings. We need to belong and contribute in order to have a sense of well-being. People need to know that what we do and who we are matter, but also that we can take action and feel supported in contributing to a common good or a greater sense of community. Empathy and connection are how we navigate the world together.

At the core of this theory is the idea that we need to feel a sense of belonging. We need to feel like we belong to a group, and that the group belongs to us. We use that empathic bonding we innately feel toward other people to navigate the world, connect with others, and work toward creating a more equitable and just society. This work helps foster a sense of belonging, encourages creating the change you wish to see in the world, and builds a sense of community, understanding, and connection in the therapy room and beyond.